It takes vast amount of courage & emotions,
to say go with him, it's ok,
as long as you're happy.
Even though I didn't mind it.

The beginning on the piece of paper, was all right. Somehow expected. But of course, it would affect me somehow. Seeing her reactions along with her replies at the start, really makes me have that kind of indescribable feeling. Even though I know this problem would occur eventually.

It got worst later on. Self-control, I needed that. Pretendence, I would need that too. I pretended all the while, throughout the whole replies of the piece of paper. But i'm not born to act. Or rather, I can't. Because my emotions would be written all over my face, people who are or were close with me would know. Especially Royston.

Q asked me what was I thinking about halfway. She said I looked serious. It's because I'm deep in thoughts, of what to say or express. Hiding how I felt.

Pretty all right, on the way sending her home. However, something happened. Made me so so so, I don't know. Somehow, felt rejected. Maybe it's one of the way of telling me, her choice I mentioned on the paper ? Or maybe i'm just a pessimistic guy.

Back home, mom called & kp me. F, adding oil to the fire.

One told me, always think of the happy moments you had with her when you're feeling down. That's what I did. Guessed what ? It backfired because i'm happy one moment, & sad another moment. It made me worse because the unhappiness lingers.

Seriously, I need someone to talk to. Someone who I could trust, pour all my worries & doubts to. It is true that it doesn't really pay to be the more well-behaved guy when compared to another one. It took 3, causing swollen & numbness, before I could cool alittle.

It's because, feelings & time & venue would be the factor.

p/s: I'm not pissed off/disappointed/upset/angry or whatever against you. It's just that I felt myself too useless, not able to make you occupied & prevent you from thinking wild & being happy always. Sorry qad.

I wonder when would you be thinking of me. After we break or what ? I don't want that, because it's too late. But I still love you.